Mr. Savage's goal is undeniably noble: he wants to encourage LGBT youth to survive inexcusable and small-minded mistreatment long enough to make it to a much better future. However, I see no reason why strategies which have been developed in service of a noble goal should not also be deployed in service of far lesser goals, and I dare anyone to find authority in the writings of Machiavelli to the contrary.
So, gentle readers, I give you my new project, which is aimed at undermining the inexplicable power live theatre continues to hold on fine arts within the United States. I call my new project: "You Can Leave at Intermission."
Live theatre f*****g sucks. I pledge to spread this message to anyone who isn't already in so deep that he or she is volunteering as an usher. I'll speak up against live theatre whenever people around me seem to be giving low-quality work a free pass just because it's live. I'll provide hope for LGBT youth, as well as the beleaguered upper-class philanthropists with whom they unknowingly share common cause, by letting them know that "You can leave at intermission."
My Contribution to this Project
The following is my rewrite of Balthasar's song from Act 2, Scene 3, of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing. You are warmly invited to join this internet campaign by rewriting passages from Shakespeare's plays so as to express your own feelings of loss for the time live theatre has taken from you.
Sigh no more, patrons, sign no more,
Plays were deceivers ever,
Their "irony" just leaves us "bored,"
Better than TV never.
Then sigh not so, but at intermission go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting the wish you'd said "no"
Into hey nonny nonny.
Write no more reviews, blog no more,
Of scripts so dull and heavy;
The fraud of plays was ever so,
We've only gone in pity.