Russell Brunelle (russellb) wrote,
Russell Brunelle

"An Officer and a Gentleman"

In case you don't remember it very well, this 1982 dramatic film (starring Richard Gere and Debra Winger) had the following plot:

  1. Mr. Gere signs up for some kind of military training involving an obstacle course.
  2. Mr. Gere gets kicked pretty hard in the testicles.
  3. Inexplicably, Mr. Gere then makes a point of saluting the person who kicked him in those same testicles.
  4. To celebrate said salute, Mr. Gere gives himself a tour of a local paper mill.

To further refresh your memory, here's a picture of plot point number two:

and here's a picture of plot point number three:

What Mr. Gere said during the above salute was: "I won't ever forget you, Sergeant. I wouldn't have made this if it weren't for you. Thank you Sergeant."

However, here are my top suggestions for things that would have been funnier for him to say at that moment:

  1. "I wouldn't have made this if it weren't for you, but on the other hand I wouldn't have had to do this if it weren't for you, so you're kind of a wash as far as I'm concerned."
  2. "Would you like to tour the local paper mill with me, Sergeant? The new cardboard folding machines are fascinating, and management doesn't care if random people just let themselves in and wander the factory floor."
  3. "If you don't mind, Sergeant, I've prepared an extensive list of important things in Oklahoma other than 'steers' and 'queers.' May I read it to you now? I feel like there may have been some confusion on this matter at the beginning of our training..."
  4. "I wouldn't have been kicked in the testicles if it weren't for you, Sergeant. Thank you."
  5. "Sergeant, I'm haunted by the thought that if we'd only mindlessly hit each other for a few more minutes, as part of that fight we just engaged in for absolutely no apparent reason, we'd have brought David Keith's character back to life."
  6. "Sergeant, permission to call in an air strike on Debra Winger, who has frankly been impossible to work with. Granted? Thank you."
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