Russell Brunelle (russellb) wrote,
Russell Brunelle
russellb

Eight things not to say...

The area currently promoted as "Colonial Williamsburg" is a large-scale attempt to bring history alive: the original buildings have been beautifully restored, and many are open with actors pretending to be the original proprietor or resident of the shop or home in question. As a result, the whole area is just peppered with people in period costume pretending, to the best of their ability, to be from centuries past.

So that you do not make the same embarrassing mistakes I did today, should you visit Colonial Williamsburg here is a quick list of things NOT to say when you walk up to a Colonial Williamsburg historical interpreter in period costume:

  1. THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!!
  2. Good sir, I will kill one hostage EVERY HOUR until you hand over to me the time machine which brought you here.
  3. Greetings, kindly shrew!
  4. Good lady, art thou with child? Woulds't thou like to be?
  5. Good morning to you, gentle citizen! Perchance, might thou know where a Proper and Upright gentleman such as Myself might obtain an Appropriate and Needful supply of crystalline methamphetamine?
  6. As General Washington himself once said at the Siege of Yorktown, e-commerce most assuredly DOES move at the speed of light.
  7. Good and discreet shopkeep, I desire an ample supply of postcards of the French persuasion!
  8. You look absurd with that ceremonial sword, Mr. Adams.
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